Unemployment virgin

Today I filed for unemployment because I am unemployed. Between jobs. Out of work. On the dole. Career-challenged. I filed online, and it took about 30 or 40 minutes. Mostly stress-free, with pretty clear explanations. I have to post my resume in order to qualify and prove that I'm looking for work, but that seems a small favor to ask in return for having money deposited into my checking account. It won't be a lot of money, mind you--I worked part-time at a private school where my annual salary was less than the cost of tuition for one child for one year. But still, I appreciate the efforts the state is making on my behalf.

The facts are these: I am 44, have been married for 19 years, have two kids, a bachelor's degree in English and a master's degree in social work. Since the age of 14, the only times I have been unemployed were when I wanted to be unemployed, not because I was laid off. But the private school where I worked is experiencing a decline in enrollment, and can't afford my salary, such as it was. I have already grieved the loss of my job (not that that's a linear experience--grief might well rear its ugly head again at any time), so am trying to move on, trying to keep fear at bay, trying to keep an open mind about options without rushing into anything just for the sake of having a job. I am lucky; this is a luxury. People around me are losing their jobs, their homes, their well-being. I am in Michigan, the state with the highest rate of unemployment in the country, but we still have our house, my husband is employed, and my children are healthy. (I am knocking on wood as I write this, by the way, just in case superstititions have any basis in fact...)

I will attempt, in good faith, to keep whining to a minimum, because at an intellectual level, I am well aware of how lucky I am. On the other hand, I am also aware of how judgmental, opinionated and just plain bitchy I am. I will have resentment that there are people who clearly aren't as deserving as I am, and I will have bitterness that my kids' friends' mothers all have hired help and go on exotic vacations, but I will try to remind myself, just as I tell my sons when they ask if we are rich, that we are, indeed, rich, because that is what I call it when we have everything we truly need, and a lot of things we really want.

My goal for the coming week: to get dressed 5 out of the next 7 days. (Hey, it's important to experience success early on in the process--and believe me, this will take effort on my part.)