Contemplating my future at Starbucks

I’m at Starbucks, trying desperately to get comfortable. Not working.

How can any one place do this much business in less than an hour? What did we do before we had Starbucks? Where did we congregate? What kind of coffee did we drink? Starbucks has been every bit as influential as McDonald’s, if you ask me. What a perfect storm—yuppies, more disposable income, networking, technology, global trade. Just incredible. And terrifying. So why are there still so many people who are willing to drink piss-coffee when they’re not at Starbucks? Why is all other coffee watered-down and nasty? It’s just not that hard to make decent coffee.

Soon I’ll be leaving to try to find my way to the local community college EMS training orientation. I have no idea what to expect. Here’s what I think will happen: I will be much older and fatter than everyone else there. They will be hip and cool and model-gorgeous like they just walked off a TV set, and I will look ridiculous. That’s what I think.

Ooh, an ambulance has just pulled into a parking space just outside of Starbucks here. Let’s see what they look like. Good to know that there is time to get a cup of coffee when out on a run. Okay, I like the rain jacket the EMS guy is wearing. He does look my age or a bit older, but also in much better shape—he’s pretty tall and looks like he could pull someone out of a car if he needed to.

That’s why I’m dressed for the Y—after I leave this orientation session that will be filled with 20-somethings who look like they’re just training for a gig on "One Tree Hill," I will go and work out.

Uh oh, the EMS guy left without getting coffee. I bet he just needed to use the bathroom. Oh, maybe not—the ambulance is leaving with its lights on and siren going.

So what am I doing? I’m not so great with blood, I don’t have the calmest reactions in an emergency. I like to scream as much as the next person. I’m not a badass. I am good at driving fast and aggressively as well as defensively—maybe I could be just an ambulance driver? I don’t like the thought of seeing dead people, or people as they die. Tendons and muscles out in plain view, guts and innards not really a strong point for me.

I guess we’ll see what happens.